"I only really feel the need to write down the things that annoy me. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the world so much I have loads of little annoyances to write down in fact its quite the opposite. I Believe its these little annoyances that help make the world interesting. Where would I be without people watching and the things that annoy me so much they become funny.
I have always been described as quite cynical and although I am only 18 I have the whingey grumpy attitude of a pensioner. I don't like drinking until I'm sick, hanging out in parks with a bottle of cider, and collecting Asbos. I don't smoke, I don't take drugs, I never lie to my parents, and basically I'm a right little goody two shoes and I like it that way. I don't think I'm dull or boring in fact I'm quite the opposite, or at least I have an imagination that makes up for it.
Im not too keen on other teenagers. Most of them scare me until I get to know them, even then there are a lot that still scare me. I try not to be arrogant and am nice to all people but sometimes I realise that I am smarter than many of them which gets to me. I had to work to be intelligent, I listened hard and put in the effort. I think most people who are thick are just a bit lazy.
There goes my claim to not being arrogant.
I'm not though. I wrote my personal statement for university earlier and I had the exact same problem that I did when I wrote my original. I can write pages and pages of negative aspects about myself but I find it really hard to find my positives. Im under-confident, quite insular, geeky, I pretend to be posher than I really am (in fact I come from a fabulous working class background and for a few months of my life I lived out of a suitcase. I don't admit that much...I have moved on since then, maybe thats why im a snob....I like where I am now and dont fancy going back too much). Im not pretty but I try to look unique in order to disguise that, Im not sure it does. Sometimes I find myself disagreeing with people just to be awkward. I regret not acting younger when I was younger but now I feel quite stuck in my ways and my conscience doesn't let me break to many rules.
I feel like I have only recently started being me. I used to worry a lot about what people would think of me, I reckon that's just what school does to people. Since I left I have felt more confident with who I am, my strange ways of thinking and looking. I will talk to strangers but I'm not as good at talking to people I have to talk to again with a few exceptions. I don't have many close friends but the ones I do have know who they are and that I would be completely lost without them. I miss people who I don't often see any more. I'm not too keen on chasing peoples friendships, it should be mutual. I don't have time for people who don't do this.
I worry about things a lot. I'm amazed no one has put my prozac yet for this. I worry about war, climate change, and general consequences of my actions in life. I think this is why I don't sleep very well at night."
I also found this classic moment from my writing down whatever was on my mind days
""Orlando Bloom is knocking on your door and saying we are going out on a hot date,what the Chinese takeaway are you going to wear?"
WHAT THE CHINESE TAKEAWAY??? that's exactly what I would like to know. I take everything back what I said earlier...Gok just got it wrong, brown skirt made of trousers, navy blue polka dot scarf made into a bolero and a light pink t-shirt. Its just not working. They are blurring out the addidas logo on Goks jacket.....but I saw it not long ago, that's how I know its addidas. I also love the way that he adds his name to descriptions "Gok land" "Gok Shock".....I wish I could do that with my name."
Honesty and Nostalgia,
T xx
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